Learning to Trust

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." Proverbs 3:5

I've always had trust issues - both with people and with God.

Instead of confiding in God or other people, I was quick to judgment. Any time things did not go my way, I placed blame, creating a "me vs. them" mentality. I never grew or changed because when life didn't work, I never believed it to be because of myself. I felt I was a victim, which was disempowering.

This line of thinking was quite dangerous. It created real struggles for me. It made me an angry person. I could not find peace or joy without answers -- answers I would likely never have.
I'm learning, slowly, to let go and trust, be still and, in prayer, let my intuition guide me. Place my troubles on Christ and allow Him to fix my heart, to place the answers in my attitudes and choices.

Sometimes what I want is not what God wants. My conversations with Him once looked like a child throwing a temper tantrum: "God, why are you doing this to me?? Why can't you just give me what I want?? I hate you, God! I am not going to do what you want - nope, I am no longer going to church!"

Now, God and I are partners. I am here to do His work and, to do that, I require His coaching. The conversation looks like this: "God, I pray that you will bring me peace in the absence of clarity. I pray that you will give me the strength and perseverance to overcome this situation. I trust that you are building me up and preparing me for promotion into the next chapter of my life! God, I love you. Keep me safe. Help me to practice gratitude, patience, trust, and empathy."

I know that you have put it in my heart to pursue certain things – volunteering with the family law clinic and the tax clinic, fostering a sibling group, possibly adopting Blaine or Marcus or Trisha. I pray that you will provide for me in a way that allows me to follow these passions and no longer feel enslaved to work that squashes my sparkle.

Lord, please give me a child that I can truly help. Please place in my heart the right motives for doing this – not a need for praise, appreciation, stroking of my ego, but a pure desire to sacrifice for another person’s benefit while getting nothing in return.