"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways, acknowledge him, and he shall direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6
The past two years have been the best of my life. I'm a home owner. I'm financially secure. I have amazing roommates, friends, and family. I have Zuma. I am successful in my career and enjoy what I'm working on. I'm learning so much in law school and in life. To say I have been blessed is an understatement.
I like where I am, so I find it challenging to embrace any kind of change that could jeopardize this profound happiness that I am experiencing.
The next few months will be filled with change.
Lauren is moving out. My downstairs is full of boxes. Her bedroom is full of items that need to be sorted and organized. You can smell the dust from things resurfacing that have been left in their places for two years. It is actually becoming real to me, and the tears are starting to flow.
Lauren is moving now, and Beba moves in October. It is not as if we had a falling out or I evicted them. But they are moving out to go on and do bigger and better things.
Lauren is moving out to become a missionary through the World Race. Beba is moving out to move in with her boyfriend, hopefully get married and start a family. As Joel would say, sometimes our dreams are bigger than the environment in which we are placed. These two are moving on to bigger environments and bigger dreams.
It has given me a lot of pause. Do I want new roommates? Do I rent out the rooms together, or individually? Do I rent out the whole house? Do I not rent and live alone? As Ameer would say.. look down all paths and see which one brings you the most peace.
I found myself very reluctant to place the ad for new roommates. I don't think any relationship (roommate-roommate, landlord-tenant, dog owner - dog sitter, friend-friend) could quite compare with what I have with these two amazing girls; like I said, I've been BEYOND blessed!
I found myself reluctant to live alone though. I don't like coming home to a dark lonely house by myself. I don't like the dog being all alone all day every day.
If I go with my gut, I think this is my sign... that I am supposed to start the foster parenting. I just got a raise that brings me up by $1200/month (exactly the amount I was collecting in rent), so therefore I do not need the money to sustain my current standard of living. I will have the opportunity to cut back on school a bit next term; I can do a class with a thesis paper and start that paper now, and I can do the estate planning clinic as my second class. I will be in Saudi Arabia in December and January, so I'll have the extra money from hazard pay and per diem.
I love my job and I love school, but I don't get fulfillment out of them in the do-gooder sense. I'm really just doing something that is benefitting myself - not something that is helping others. I want to help... but in a way that profoundly changes one or two peoples' lives.
So I signed up for PRIDE training and will do that the next three Saturdays. My parents are going to join me. I reached back out to my social worker. I am going to get my medical exam scheduled for November. My goal is to be all approved before I leave for KSA. Then ready to hit the ground running with a placement when I get back.
I hope this is the right thing, but just like the text from Proverbs says, it's got to be God's plan and God's timing - not mine. I think there is really a reason that I got the raise in that exact amount, that my two roommates that I adore are leaving and leaving for such big things, that all of this came about quite abruptly. I think God is saying... changes are happening whether you plan them or not, I think you're ready, and if you won't jump, I'll push you! Meet the change with unconditional love, instead of fear and hypotheticals.
