A Wholehearted Pursuit

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." - Philippians 4:13

Heavenly King -
Teach me to be worthy.

Worthiness is... accepting the blessings God has given you, not as things you are entitled to, but as beautiful presents that you did nothing to earn, but that you are grateful to have.

My freshman year in college, I remember sitting at a lunch table across from two very nice girls - one was "triple majoring" and the other was "on the pre-med track."

I distinctly remember thinking: certain people can accomplish things like that, but I am not one of those people. I didn't have much interest in a triple major or an MD, so I'm not terribly disappointed that I didn't pursue those goals. However, I'm disappointed that the reason I didn't was because I thought I couldn't - I wasn't one of *those* people. I wasn't worthy. I wasn't enough (smart enough, hard working enough, whatever enough) to get the things those people got.

What a slap in the face to God!

Remember the parable about talents? One man buries his in the ground and keeps it safe, the other invests his and earns more of them. Who would you rather be? The person who spends his life playing it safe and burying his talents? Or the other who uses them, is grateful for them, grows and blossoms? How insulting to God to suggest that your talents can't get you anywhere so you may as well not use them. Of course he wants you to use them!

Truth is - I AM THAT PERSON WITH THE GIFTS TO SUCCEED!!!! I am the daughter of a king! I am a kind person, an intelligent person, a beautiful person with all my quirks. I am a well-intentioned person, a hard-working person, a person with good ideas. I am someone with sticktuitiveness, a proactive problem solver, a creative leader. I am good at managing teams and mentoring people. I am good at helping them see their dream and set the goals to pursue it. Yet I fall short for myself.

I don't know the right next steps, but I know that You have blessed me with an abundance - a phenomenal family who is supportive of me even when I don't deserve their support, a dog who is happy to see me come home when she really should be pissed that I've left her for the last ten hours, the money to buy great food, the time to recooperate my health, the intelligence and work ethic to follow my dreams and really see them through.

God, I feel like you are just saying to me... Kathryn, stop burying your talents and go shine!

Please teach me to be vulnerable and take chances on myself and to have enough faith in my abilities to accomplish and your abilities to steer. I've hit a breaking point where I'm more excited about the unknown than I am comfortable with the known. I know you have more in mind for me, and I know it will involve sacrafices to get there. Please grant me the courage to weather those changes.

You've met all of my physical and mental needs. You've provided for me. All I need to do.. is start walking the walk.

I woke up with this in my heart: As long as you are being a good person and the kind of person you would be proud to be and doing your best, even if things don't go as planned, you will be ok.

"Then he said to them: "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me." -Luke 9:23

Dreams that take something are harder and more meaningful than the dreams that don't. Being a true Christian takes something - getting your butt out of bed for church, reacting like a Christian even when you are frustrated and want to get angry at someone, living life as a Christian and being a walking bible to those around you who don't necessarily go to church, and standing up for Christian beliefs, even when a liberal media wants you to do otherwise.

 

As we see in Luke, reputation often tempts us to abandon purpose. You can live your whole life being ordinary, plain, mediocre, and unsatisfied, purposeless. If you want satisfaction and purpose, it is up to you to change your situation and wholeheartedly pursue.