"Givers must set boundaries, as Takers seldom will."
In college, I studied a phenomenon known as the Broken Window Theory. While common to urban planning, it conveniently applies to personal spheres as well.
Under the theory, when a window is broken, the city's reaction to the broken window creates a cultural precedent which dictates long term outcomes. If the city fixes the window right away, it signals to people that the city does not tolerate vandalism. If the city allows the window to remain broken, it signals to people that it's not a big deal and breaking windows is ok; this leads to more broken windows.
We all believe that breaking windows is wrong! But are you the person who fixes the window and holds the vandal accountable? Or are you the person who allows the windows to stay broken, makes excuses for the vandal, or sweeps the incident under the rug??
By sweeping it under the rug, we may be motivated by positive intentions - we believe we are being polite, exercising social graces, avoiding confrontation, or "letting little things go." Though the unintended consequences of this propriety are far-reaching - we are teaching others how to treat us, teaching others whether we demand respectful behaviors or are willing to tolerate disrespectful ones.
Let me give you some examples. As women, it is all too common to apologize -- we apologize for speaking up and having an opinion or questions in a meeting, we apologize for "being in the way" when someone else bumps into us. But why should we apologize even for positive things and for things that are not our faults?
As a boss, I apologize for assigning my employees work (especially if the work requires them to be there late), but why should I? They receive a paycheck in exchange for performing that work; I am not giving them any more work than I am giving myself; I give them a choice over which type of work they do.
As a mom, I apologize for making my kid do homework or chores, or for not letting her go to a friend's house when she gives limited notice, but why should I? My child has no other commitments besides homework and chores; my expectations are not unreasonably -- that she pass all her classes and that there not be mold growing in the shower.
This all came to a head tonight, when we arrived home from our Chicago trip. We quickly found that the house was trashed by Debbie's sister, who snuck in without my permission, who left every light on, and who had friends and a boyfriend in tow! I firmly believe this was God's way of commanding me to set better boundaries in order to keep my home a sanctuary.
I pray, Lord, that you will grant me grace, dignity, and transparency in my speech to express exactly what I mean, as I embark on challenging conversations with Debbie, Salina, and my coworkers. I pray that you will empower me to set and keep my boundaries. I pray that the skills I gain from confronting these transgressions will help me serve as a better vessel for doing your work in the future. Amen.
Thursday, August 6, 2015
Sunday, May 17, 2015
Expectations are Sins
"Set your mind on things above, and keep it set!" -Colossians 3:2
How do we delineate the "things above" from the "things below"?
I once thought "things below" were sins. The ten commandments were my checklist and any behavior that did not comply was a "thing below."
Now I think of a "thing below" as anything - any thought, word, action, habit, possession, or person - that I am choosing over God or that is creating a wedge between me and God.
Right now, I am sinful. There are thoughts that I routinely choose over God. My foster daughter will never call me mom. My foster daughter honors her biological parents, while I'm left with eye rolls and door slams. My foster daughter never says thank you.
Satan works in my head and it manifests in the material world. Thus, I am challenged to reject or realign my own expectations... for reciprocaton, validation, and glorification.
Dear Lord,
Absolve me of expectations. Help me to take people as they are - making no judgments, placing no blame; and to find peace in the situation exactly as it is and exactly as it isn't. Help me to not associate a person's worth with their ability to meet my expectations. Take me to a mature level of love, a godly unconditional love. Saturate my heart with mature faith and mature endurance -- trusting your plan, not imposing my own. Keep my heart set on YOUR desires and hold my focus there, even as earthly temptations aim to distract. Amen.
How do we delineate the "things above" from the "things below"?
I once thought "things below" were sins. The ten commandments were my checklist and any behavior that did not comply was a "thing below."
Now I think of a "thing below" as anything - any thought, word, action, habit, possession, or person - that I am choosing over God or that is creating a wedge between me and God.
Right now, I am sinful. There are thoughts that I routinely choose over God. My foster daughter will never call me mom. My foster daughter honors her biological parents, while I'm left with eye rolls and door slams. My foster daughter never says thank you.
Satan works in my head and it manifests in the material world. Thus, I am challenged to reject or realign my own expectations... for reciprocaton, validation, and glorification.
Dear Lord,
Absolve me of expectations. Help me to take people as they are - making no judgments, placing no blame; and to find peace in the situation exactly as it is and exactly as it isn't. Help me to not associate a person's worth with their ability to meet my expectations. Take me to a mature level of love, a godly unconditional love. Saturate my heart with mature faith and mature endurance -- trusting your plan, not imposing my own. Keep my heart set on YOUR desires and hold my focus there, even as earthly temptations aim to distract. Amen.
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Why I Like Being Uncomfortable
Ok, maybe I don't like it, but I am ok with it. I am at least comfortable with the idea of being uncomfortable.
I am grateful for some recent uncomfortable experiences that have grown me - a relationship that taught me to be vulnerable, soft, and caring; a breakup that taught me to recover and reprioritize; and the hindsight to see "what didn't work" as "what will work in the future."
When Chris and I broke up, he said something powerful: "You know, you'll have this again, Kat. It's always a similar plotline, just with different characters. You'll still have all those wonderful things that you dream about, just with somebody who dreams about them too."
And much as I didn't want him to be right or charming or pure about one damn thing he said to me that day, the truth is, he was all of the above!
You see, Chris was already in love when I met him. He was in love with a particular future - with Chicago, living amongst tall buildings in a big city, having a few biological kids of his own, working long consultant hours, traveling all over, and enjoying a fast-paced weekend of drinking and running and socializing.
I was already in love with a different future - with my Birmingham suburb, my dog, and a dynasty of foster children, workdays spent doing something that matters but coming home at a reasonable hour to the people that matter even more, and weekends spent sleeping in, taking walks, watching Blaine's baseball games, and grabbing coffee with friends.
We both have exciting adventures ahead - just vastly different adventures, that don't overlap, that we can't take together. I am grateful that he was able to see this; it would have taken me a lot longer.
I am thankful for the experience, and the possibilities...
I am grateful for some recent uncomfortable experiences that have grown me - a relationship that taught me to be vulnerable, soft, and caring; a breakup that taught me to recover and reprioritize; and the hindsight to see "what didn't work" as "what will work in the future."
When Chris and I broke up, he said something powerful: "You know, you'll have this again, Kat. It's always a similar plotline, just with different characters. You'll still have all those wonderful things that you dream about, just with somebody who dreams about them too."
And much as I didn't want him to be right or charming or pure about one damn thing he said to me that day, the truth is, he was all of the above!
You see, Chris was already in love when I met him. He was in love with a particular future - with Chicago, living amongst tall buildings in a big city, having a few biological kids of his own, working long consultant hours, traveling all over, and enjoying a fast-paced weekend of drinking and running and socializing.
I was already in love with a different future - with my Birmingham suburb, my dog, and a dynasty of foster children, workdays spent doing something that matters but coming home at a reasonable hour to the people that matter even more, and weekends spent sleeping in, taking walks, watching Blaine's baseball games, and grabbing coffee with friends.
We both have exciting adventures ahead - just vastly different adventures, that don't overlap, that we can't take together. I am grateful that he was able to see this; it would have taken me a lot longer.
I am thankful for the experience, and the possibilities...
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
Learning to Trust
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." Proverbs 3:5
I've always had trust issues - both with people and with God.
Instead of confiding in God or other people, I was quick to judgment. Any time things did not go my way, I placed blame, creating a "me vs. them" mentality. I never grew or changed because when life didn't work, I never believed it to be because of myself. I felt I was a victim, which was disempowering.
This line of thinking was quite dangerous. It created real struggles for me. It made me an angry person. I could not find peace or joy without answers -- answers I would likely never have.
I'm learning, slowly, to let go and trust, be still and, in prayer, let my intuition guide me. Place my troubles on Christ and allow Him to fix my heart, to place the answers in my attitudes and choices.
Sometimes what I want is not what God wants. My conversations with Him once looked like a child throwing a temper tantrum: "God, why are you doing this to me?? Why can't you just give me what I want?? I hate you, God! I am not going to do what you want - nope, I am no longer going to church!"
Now, God and I are partners. I am here to do His work and, to do that, I require His coaching. The conversation looks like this: "God, I pray that you will bring me peace in the absence of clarity. I pray that you will give me the strength and perseverance to overcome this situation. I trust that you are building me up and preparing me for promotion into the next chapter of my life! God, I love you. Keep me safe. Help me to practice gratitude, patience, trust, and empathy."
I know that you have put it in my heart to pursue certain things – volunteering with the family law clinic and the tax clinic, fostering a sibling group, possibly adopting Blaine or Marcus or Trisha. I pray that you will provide for me in a way that allows me to follow these passions and no longer feel enslaved to work that squashes my sparkle.
Lord, please give me a child that I can truly help. Please place in my heart the right motives for doing this – not a need for praise, appreciation, stroking of my ego, but a pure desire to sacrifice for another person’s benefit while getting nothing in return.
I've always had trust issues - both with people and with God.
Instead of confiding in God or other people, I was quick to judgment. Any time things did not go my way, I placed blame, creating a "me vs. them" mentality. I never grew or changed because when life didn't work, I never believed it to be because of myself. I felt I was a victim, which was disempowering.
This line of thinking was quite dangerous. It created real struggles for me. It made me an angry person. I could not find peace or joy without answers -- answers I would likely never have.
I'm learning, slowly, to let go and trust, be still and, in prayer, let my intuition guide me. Place my troubles on Christ and allow Him to fix my heart, to place the answers in my attitudes and choices.
Sometimes what I want is not what God wants. My conversations with Him once looked like a child throwing a temper tantrum: "God, why are you doing this to me?? Why can't you just give me what I want?? I hate you, God! I am not going to do what you want - nope, I am no longer going to church!"
Now, God and I are partners. I am here to do His work and, to do that, I require His coaching. The conversation looks like this: "God, I pray that you will bring me peace in the absence of clarity. I pray that you will give me the strength and perseverance to overcome this situation. I trust that you are building me up and preparing me for promotion into the next chapter of my life! God, I love you. Keep me safe. Help me to practice gratitude, patience, trust, and empathy."
I know that you have put it in my heart to pursue certain things – volunteering with the family law clinic and the tax clinic, fostering a sibling group, possibly adopting Blaine or Marcus or Trisha. I pray that you will provide for me in a way that allows me to follow these passions and no longer feel enslaved to work that squashes my sparkle.
Lord, please give me a child that I can truly help. Please place in my heart the right motives for doing this – not a need for praise, appreciation, stroking of my ego, but a pure desire to sacrifice for another person’s benefit while getting nothing in return.
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Older & Wiser
"Delight yourself in the Lord,
and He will give you the desires of your heart." ~Psalm 37:4
When I was younger, I thought very scientifically. If I couldn't prove something, it simply must not be true. I had a real problem with the “leaps of faith” that God asked of people in the bible.
Reading a bible verse like this, a younger me would have interpreted it quite literally: If I pray, go to church, donate to charity, and follow the ten commandments (delight myself in the Lord), then of course, He will physically give to me all the things that I want (the desires of my heart.)
For example, let's say I did a good deed, all the while wishing for an A+ on that math test. When God didn't deliver with my perfect test score, my “God’s-not-real” radar instantly and instinctively went off. Younger me would conclude - either God was not real, the Bible was not really God's word to me, or God was an evil God who made this covenant with me, quid pro quo, delight for desires, and then backed out of His promise. All of these are dangerous conclusions, and conclusions that force a wedge between me and God – God is the enemy instead of the partner, ironically the exact opposite of what the passage intends.
Older wiser me (better at trusting God and letting go of the reins) reads it like this: If you keep your eyes and ears, intentions, speech, decisions, and actions on God, which aren’t limited to (and sometimes don’t include at all) the obligatory rituals of religion, He will place in your heart dreams and goals, passions and callings that make your will for you consistent with His will for you. God does not give you the things which you desire; He gives you your dreams, your actual desires.
When I was younger, I thought very scientifically. If I couldn't prove something, it simply must not be true. I had a real problem with the “leaps of faith” that God asked of people in the bible.
Reading a bible verse like this, a younger me would have interpreted it quite literally: If I pray, go to church, donate to charity, and follow the ten commandments (delight myself in the Lord), then of course, He will physically give to me all the things that I want (the desires of my heart.)
For example, let's say I did a good deed, all the while wishing for an A+ on that math test. When God didn't deliver with my perfect test score, my “God’s-not-real” radar instantly and instinctively went off. Younger me would conclude - either God was not real, the Bible was not really God's word to me, or God was an evil God who made this covenant with me, quid pro quo, delight for desires, and then backed out of His promise. All of these are dangerous conclusions, and conclusions that force a wedge between me and God – God is the enemy instead of the partner, ironically the exact opposite of what the passage intends.
Older wiser me (better at trusting God and letting go of the reins) reads it like this: If you keep your eyes and ears, intentions, speech, decisions, and actions on God, which aren’t limited to (and sometimes don’t include at all) the obligatory rituals of religion, He will place in your heart dreams and goals, passions and callings that make your will for you consistent with His will for you. God does not give you the things which you desire; He gives you your dreams, your actual desires.
Monday, January 13, 2014
A Wholehearted Pursuit
Sunday, December 8, 2013
A Girl with Two Masters
"Choose this day whom you will serve... but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." -Joshua 24:15
I've been in a rut lately. You see... this fall I was so incredibly excited about the foster care program. I attended the trainings, started designing the bedrooms, developed a homework chart. I dreamed of what these kids would be like, what situations they would come from, and how much better off they would be in my care.
I was ready.
Then... life happened.
Attrition at work left me shouldering multiple peoples' responsibilities. I put on my big girl pants and absorbed the additional work. I started my days earlier and ended them later, forgetting about friends, family, law school, bible study, and church.
This went on for months.
I cried a lot... mostly because...
Here I was with these big dreams of taking in kids, being their advocate, helping them with homework, feeding them nutritious foods, attending their soccer games, knowing their friends, hosting birthday parties, helping them apply for college.
Could I be that person while working these hours? Absolutely not!
I needed to make some changes.
First off, I had been worshipping a false god (my job) at the expense of everything that actually mattered (my true Christian vocation). Recognizing this, I made the transition off the Dow Chemical account, and started piecing together my priorities again. I am taking time off to recharge and finish the kids' rooms. I am applying for jobs all over in search of better work-life balance (read: worshipping the right God). I am praying God will land me where he needs me.
Second off, I hadn't been serving. Throughout this period of sadness, it's been easy to say "God, how could you let this happen? Why are you making this so hard? Why won't you just give me what I need? Are you not on *my* side, God?"
But... that was entirely the wrong attitude!
God *is* on my side!!! The question is - am *I* on his side?? Were my behaviors consistent with the daughter of a king? Were they thankful, loving, and pure? No, they were riddled with anger and ingratitude, looking only at what was wrong. They were full of complaints - not solutions. While I may not have had control over my situation, I surely had a choice over what kind of person I wanted to be. And I chose.. to be a person I didn't like!
"No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money." - Matthew 6:24
In Matthew 6:24, we learn that it is impossible for one to serve two masters, as there will always be competing interests. Therefore, we are forced to choose. Just like Joshua... me and my house choose TEAM GOD! :)
Now for the hard part.. building our lives around that choice!
Thursday, September 5, 2013
Losing Lauren
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways, acknowledge him, and he shall direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6
The past two years have been the best of my life. I'm a home owner. I'm financially secure. I have amazing roommates, friends, and family. I have Zuma. I am successful in my career and enjoy what I'm working on. I'm learning so much in law school and in life. To say I have been blessed is an understatement.
I like where I am, so I find it challenging to embrace any kind of change that could jeopardize this profound happiness that I am experiencing.
The next few months will be filled with change.
Lauren is moving out. My downstairs is full of boxes. Her bedroom is full of items that need to be sorted and organized. You can smell the dust from things resurfacing that have been left in their places for two years. It is actually becoming real to me, and the tears are starting to flow.
Lauren is moving now, and Beba moves in October. It is not as if we had a falling out or I evicted them. But they are moving out to go on and do bigger and better things.
Lauren is moving out to become a missionary through the World Race. Beba is moving out to move in with her boyfriend, hopefully get married and start a family. As Joel would say, sometimes our dreams are bigger than the environment in which we are placed. These two are moving on to bigger environments and bigger dreams.
It has given me a lot of pause. Do I want new roommates? Do I rent out the rooms together, or individually? Do I rent out the whole house? Do I not rent and live alone? As Ameer would say.. look down all paths and see which one brings you the most peace.
I found myself very reluctant to place the ad for new roommates. I don't think any relationship (roommate-roommate, landlord-tenant, dog owner - dog sitter, friend-friend) could quite compare with what I have with these two amazing girls; like I said, I've been BEYOND blessed!
I found myself reluctant to live alone though. I don't like coming home to a dark lonely house by myself. I don't like the dog being all alone all day every day.
If I go with my gut, I think this is my sign... that I am supposed to start the foster parenting. I just got a raise that brings me up by $1200/month (exactly the amount I was collecting in rent), so therefore I do not need the money to sustain my current standard of living. I will have the opportunity to cut back on school a bit next term; I can do a class with a thesis paper and start that paper now, and I can do the estate planning clinic as my second class. I will be in Saudi Arabia in December and January, so I'll have the extra money from hazard pay and per diem.
I love my job and I love school, but I don't get fulfillment out of them in the do-gooder sense. I'm really just doing something that is benefitting myself - not something that is helping others. I want to help... but in a way that profoundly changes one or two peoples' lives.
So I signed up for PRIDE training and will do that the next three Saturdays. My parents are going to join me. I reached back out to my social worker. I am going to get my medical exam scheduled for November. My goal is to be all approved before I leave for KSA. Then ready to hit the ground running with a placement when I get back.
I hope this is the right thing, but just like the text from Proverbs says, it's got to be God's plan and God's timing - not mine. I think there is really a reason that I got the raise in that exact amount, that my two roommates that I adore are leaving and leaving for such big things, that all of this came about quite abruptly. I think God is saying... changes are happening whether you plan them or not, I think you're ready, and if you won't jump, I'll push you! Meet the change with unconditional love, instead of fear and hypotheticals.
The past two years have been the best of my life. I'm a home owner. I'm financially secure. I have amazing roommates, friends, and family. I have Zuma. I am successful in my career and enjoy what I'm working on. I'm learning so much in law school and in life. To say I have been blessed is an understatement.
I like where I am, so I find it challenging to embrace any kind of change that could jeopardize this profound happiness that I am experiencing.
The next few months will be filled with change.
Lauren is moving out. My downstairs is full of boxes. Her bedroom is full of items that need to be sorted and organized. You can smell the dust from things resurfacing that have been left in their places for two years. It is actually becoming real to me, and the tears are starting to flow.
Lauren is moving now, and Beba moves in October. It is not as if we had a falling out or I evicted them. But they are moving out to go on and do bigger and better things.
Lauren is moving out to become a missionary through the World Race. Beba is moving out to move in with her boyfriend, hopefully get married and start a family. As Joel would say, sometimes our dreams are bigger than the environment in which we are placed. These two are moving on to bigger environments and bigger dreams.
It has given me a lot of pause. Do I want new roommates? Do I rent out the rooms together, or individually? Do I rent out the whole house? Do I not rent and live alone? As Ameer would say.. look down all paths and see which one brings you the most peace.
I found myself very reluctant to place the ad for new roommates. I don't think any relationship (roommate-roommate, landlord-tenant, dog owner - dog sitter, friend-friend) could quite compare with what I have with these two amazing girls; like I said, I've been BEYOND blessed!
I found myself reluctant to live alone though. I don't like coming home to a dark lonely house by myself. I don't like the dog being all alone all day every day.
If I go with my gut, I think this is my sign... that I am supposed to start the foster parenting. I just got a raise that brings me up by $1200/month (exactly the amount I was collecting in rent), so therefore I do not need the money to sustain my current standard of living. I will have the opportunity to cut back on school a bit next term; I can do a class with a thesis paper and start that paper now, and I can do the estate planning clinic as my second class. I will be in Saudi Arabia in December and January, so I'll have the extra money from hazard pay and per diem.
I love my job and I love school, but I don't get fulfillment out of them in the do-gooder sense. I'm really just doing something that is benefitting myself - not something that is helping others. I want to help... but in a way that profoundly changes one or two peoples' lives.
So I signed up for PRIDE training and will do that the next three Saturdays. My parents are going to join me. I reached back out to my social worker. I am going to get my medical exam scheduled for November. My goal is to be all approved before I leave for KSA. Then ready to hit the ground running with a placement when I get back.
I hope this is the right thing, but just like the text from Proverbs says, it's got to be God's plan and God's timing - not mine. I think there is really a reason that I got the raise in that exact amount, that my two roommates that I adore are leaving and leaving for such big things, that all of this came about quite abruptly. I think God is saying... changes are happening whether you plan them or not, I think you're ready, and if you won't jump, I'll push you! Meet the change with unconditional love, instead of fear and hypotheticals.
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
A Prayer of Gratitude
Dear Lord:
Thank you for the many blessings you have brought into my life. I am blessed with amazing friends, like Larry who is always so practical and thorough, and whose faith commitment serves as a model for me in being the type of parent, spouse, and Christian servant I aspire to become. Beba who is just in love with life, and works to find the joy and humor in any situation. Sarah and Lisa who are running the same races I am with respect to career and relationships, and who can mentor me in so many ways.
Thank you for the resources and intelligence to attend law school, and the exciting prospect of my law school merging with Western Michigan University. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to do this part time without having to sacrafice my career and for the chance to return to weekend classes and spending time with my weekend student friends once again.
Thank you for my family - my Mom who models gratitude, patience, kindness and optimism for me, and my Dad who is the most philanthropic person I know, who gives and expects nothing in return. Thank you for parents who just want me to be happy and safe, and have no further expectations of me. Thank you for Zuma and Jewels who give me a reason to slow down the pace of my life, to stop and smell the roses. In addition to my immediate family, thank you for my extended family and for the fellowship we shared with them as they had us over for a delicious Easter dinner.
Thank you for the bible study girls and my Kirk family, who keep me rooted in my faith, and keep my marriage with Christ a daily work that is always growing, who keep me on track despite my own personal set backs. The only way we will ever find our true vocation is through a life married to Christ.
Thank you for Accenture, and the many opportunities that it has afforded me - the chance to travel and see the world when I was younger, the chance to fellowship with international colleagues at St Charles, the informal mentorship along the way through people like Julie, Britaini, Ameer, Marty, Sue, Matt, Scott, and Saman, and others. Thank you for the opportunity to live in a nice home and maintain a nice life. At this point, I pray that you will guide me in what to do next in my career, how to best use my talents and skills to glorify God, and whether my career itself has ever been about glorifying God or just about glorifying self :-/
Thank you for Autumn, and the children's book that we are currently writing. Autumn is so talented and I am fortunate to have connected with her.
Thank you, Lord, for the many things that you have given me. I don't deserve any of them, but I am beyond thankful for all of them. You have made my life the great thing that it is!! And I am working hard to be constantly appreciative for it, and to wake up and live every day with a bit of excitement as if it were building up to my prom night or my first date or my graduation ceremony or something else that's equally exciting. And I ask you to strengthen my integrity and work ethic so that every day I can help to build your kingdom.
-Kathryn
Thank you for the many blessings you have brought into my life. I am blessed with amazing friends, like Larry who is always so practical and thorough, and whose faith commitment serves as a model for me in being the type of parent, spouse, and Christian servant I aspire to become. Beba who is just in love with life, and works to find the joy and humor in any situation. Sarah and Lisa who are running the same races I am with respect to career and relationships, and who can mentor me in so many ways.
Thank you for the resources and intelligence to attend law school, and the exciting prospect of my law school merging with Western Michigan University. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to do this part time without having to sacrafice my career and for the chance to return to weekend classes and spending time with my weekend student friends once again.
Thank you for my family - my Mom who models gratitude, patience, kindness and optimism for me, and my Dad who is the most philanthropic person I know, who gives and expects nothing in return. Thank you for parents who just want me to be happy and safe, and have no further expectations of me. Thank you for Zuma and Jewels who give me a reason to slow down the pace of my life, to stop and smell the roses. In addition to my immediate family, thank you for my extended family and for the fellowship we shared with them as they had us over for a delicious Easter dinner.
Thank you for the bible study girls and my Kirk family, who keep me rooted in my faith, and keep my marriage with Christ a daily work that is always growing, who keep me on track despite my own personal set backs. The only way we will ever find our true vocation is through a life married to Christ.
Thank you for Accenture, and the many opportunities that it has afforded me - the chance to travel and see the world when I was younger, the chance to fellowship with international colleagues at St Charles, the informal mentorship along the way through people like Julie, Britaini, Ameer, Marty, Sue, Matt, Scott, and Saman, and others. Thank you for the opportunity to live in a nice home and maintain a nice life. At this point, I pray that you will guide me in what to do next in my career, how to best use my talents and skills to glorify God, and whether my career itself has ever been about glorifying God or just about glorifying self :-/
Thank you for Autumn, and the children's book that we are currently writing. Autumn is so talented and I am fortunate to have connected with her.
Thank you, Lord, for the many things that you have given me. I don't deserve any of them, but I am beyond thankful for all of them. You have made my life the great thing that it is!! And I am working hard to be constantly appreciative for it, and to wake up and live every day with a bit of excitement as if it were building up to my prom night or my first date or my graduation ceremony or something else that's equally exciting. And I ask you to strengthen my integrity and work ethic so that every day I can help to build your kingdom.
-Kathryn
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Joseph & the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat (my first musical)
When I was 10 years old, I saw my first musical - "Joseph & the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat." I went with my Mom. I got to dress up. And we drove downtown to the Fox Theatre. We ordered snacks for the show, and my Mom even bought me a cassette tape with the songs on it.
I've been reading up on the story of Joseph and his dreams. It seems that we might be wise to act on our dreams, but also to keep some of our dreams to ourselves. Here's why:
(1) If our dreams are from God, then it doesn't matter what others think, so why share them? When Joseph had two dreams with the same message it meant that "the matter had been firmly decided by God, and God would do it soon." (Genesis 41:32) So why consult others? If there is doubt in our minds, the doubt is irrelevant if we can determine that the dream is from God.
(2) Keeping a dream to ourselves allows us to determine whether the dream is really from God. God's exaltation of a man is never for the man himself; it is for the glorification of God and the edification of others, so if the dream is one that God intends for us, we need to determine whether it is for ego (read: not from God) or for God and others (read: from God). There should be no self-promotion to our dreams. A good test of this is whether we can applaud another person doing the same thing with the same skills. If we can't, then it's about us - not God and others!
(3) We are called to "check on the shalom (peace) of our brothers." (Genesis 37:14). If sharing our dreams makes others feel bad, then we probably shouldn't do it.
I've been reading up on the story of Joseph and his dreams. It seems that we might be wise to act on our dreams, but also to keep some of our dreams to ourselves. Here's why:
(1) If our dreams are from God, then it doesn't matter what others think, so why share them? When Joseph had two dreams with the same message it meant that "the matter had been firmly decided by God, and God would do it soon." (Genesis 41:32) So why consult others? If there is doubt in our minds, the doubt is irrelevant if we can determine that the dream is from God.
(2) Keeping a dream to ourselves allows us to determine whether the dream is really from God. God's exaltation of a man is never for the man himself; it is for the glorification of God and the edification of others, so if the dream is one that God intends for us, we need to determine whether it is for ego (read: not from God) or for God and others (read: from God). There should be no self-promotion to our dreams. A good test of this is whether we can applaud another person doing the same thing with the same skills. If we can't, then it's about us - not God and others!
(3) We are called to "check on the shalom (peace) of our brothers." (Genesis 37:14). If sharing our dreams makes others feel bad, then we probably shouldn't do it.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
The Meaning of Marriage
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and give himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless" -Ephesians 5:22-28 [condensed]
The difference between a secular marriage and a Christ-honoring marriage is that in a Christ-honoring marriage your mission is to make each other better servants, to focus each other on your true vocations in life. The marriage is not between the bride and groom, but between God, the bride, and the groom. Hence why in most Christian ceremonies the minister asks the bride and groom a series of questions which they answer facing the minister and the altar (making their commitments to God). Then they recite their vows to one another either by repeating after the minister or by reading vows they have written down(making their commitments to each other). That entire first half of commitments is completely missing in a secular ceremony. Are secular marriages legitimate? Yes. Are religious marriages legitimate? Yes. But each serves an entirely different purpose. I've struggled with this, being a Christian who was dating a Jew up until a few weeks ago. I think it would be, well, impossible to have a Christ-honoring marriage with someone who does not believe in Christ (or was just raised with no real concept of Christ). Then I look at the religions comparatively, and both believe in God (arguably the same God? God of Isaac) - I am wondering if a God-honoring marriage is the same as a Christ-honoring marriage. What do you think?
The difference between a secular marriage and a Christ-honoring marriage is that in a Christ-honoring marriage your mission is to make each other better servants, to focus each other on your true vocations in life. The marriage is not between the bride and groom, but between God, the bride, and the groom. Hence why in most Christian ceremonies the minister asks the bride and groom a series of questions which they answer facing the minister and the altar (making their commitments to God). Then they recite their vows to one another either by repeating after the minister or by reading vows they have written down(making their commitments to each other). That entire first half of commitments is completely missing in a secular ceremony. Are secular marriages legitimate? Yes. Are religious marriages legitimate? Yes. But each serves an entirely different purpose. I've struggled with this, being a Christian who was dating a Jew up until a few weeks ago. I think it would be, well, impossible to have a Christ-honoring marriage with someone who does not believe in Christ (or was just raised with no real concept of Christ). Then I look at the religions comparatively, and both believe in God (arguably the same God? God of Isaac) - I am wondering if a God-honoring marriage is the same as a Christ-honoring marriage. What do you think?
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
A Jewish Take
“If I am not for myself, who will be for me?
If I am only for myself, what am I?
And, if not now, when?” –Hillel
This girl does what I do, but with Jewish texts instead of Christian ones! Here is the link to her post on the quote above!
If I am only for myself, what am I?
And, if not now, when?” –Hillel
This girl does what I do, but with Jewish texts instead of Christian ones! Here is the link to her post on the quote above!
Saturday, January 5, 2013
"Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully." -Romans 12:3-8
I'm continuing to think about the concept of vocations and ministries. What or who are we called to minister to?
God has given each of us gifts to use to minister to those around us. No matter what our vocational calling is, if we will be obedient and use our gifts to encourage and lift up others, we will minister wherever we are.
A lot of my ministy in 2013 will focus on orphans and youth. I am going through the training with Bethany Christian Services to become an approved foster parent. I am also collecting items for Children's Village, and planning a Twilight Party for Children's Village and Vista Maria. When Autumn and I are done with Angelica & the Attic Bears, the proceeds of the book will go towards helping kids in abuse and neglect situations.
Nevertheless, I am wondering what my calling is in my day to day life. How am I ministering to family and friends? How am I ministering to neighbors and colleagues? How am I ministering to strangers? The impersonal service to a non-profit actually feels significantly easier than the daily callings. In the daily callings, I may be called to do things that require greater sacrafice, that require working with someone I don't like, biting my tongue when I want to make a point that may actually be hurtful, or developing patience and perseverance in the face of disagreement.
In pursuit of the higher goal of finding my calling, I've established the following four resolutions:
(1) Deactivate facebook -- I've never used facebook as a ministry. I've used it as a forum for airing my grievances, bashing political candidates, and expressing my views shamelessly. I am challenged to write, speak, think about the good in my life - not the problems. I am challenged not to compare my life to others' lives. So I am deactivating my facebook as an initial step in this pursuit.
(2) Get rid of the "but" -- I am always dreaming big. But then I am always shooting myself down with all the "why not's" (i.e., "this guy I am dating is really amazing, BUT he's Jewish and a Democrat and we don't agree on XYZ," "it would be great to leave Accenture, BUT I can't because I might not make as much money and I won't have the job security," or "my house is great, BUT it doesn't have a hot tub or a panic room.") I do it because I am pragmatic, but nevertheless, the result of this verbiage is chronic unfulfillment, chronic glass-half-empty-syndrome. I have a great life. I am extremely blessed. PERIOD. NO BUT.
(3) Figure out the vocation -- Initially this was "figure out my career." I wanted to decide when to leave Accenture, and whether to leave for a position with another firm or my own firm, whether to pursue law or consulting. All of these big questions lay in front of me, and I haven't done anything with them. I need to figure out what I want, and map out a plan for how to get there. The plan needs to be a vocation, because it needs to consider my professional goals, my personal goals, and my ministry.
(4) Don't take the bait; stop living a reactivated life -- With the 2012 Obama v. Romney election in our recent past, I have allowed myself to get so worked up. People ruffle my feathers and then I ruffle others' feathers. I am done with feather ruffling of any kind in my life. As soon as I get my feathers ruffled, I am now taking it as a cue for a timeout. Reevaluate, calm down, don't take the bait, and react in the way that is best for the long term -- sustaining the relationship, stating my point without allocating blame, talking about ideas not people, etc.
Those are the resolutions. I pray that through these resolutions, I will be able to better prioitize and lead as a Christian in my day to day life -- not just when I am emerging freshly-minted from church or bible study. Why are we put here? To serve! How are we to serve? That's the next question....
Monday, October 29, 2012
Seeking my vocation
“Stop stealin other peoples’ blessings!” –Beth Moore
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Friday, September 28, 2012
Falling in Love with Myself
How would the next year of your life change if you were madly, truly, deeply, passionately in love with yourself?
What if I truly fell in love with myself? Got the butterflies in my stomach just thinking about the thought of being around me? Looked forward to taking care of myself and impressing myself? Saw these things as opportunities, joys, blessings instead of obligations, habits, routines?
How often do we wait for someone else to put us up on a pedestal instead of just knowing that we are doing right and that we have perfect hearts and that that is greatness?
A quote from Thessolonians: "If you constantly look to other people for answers and validation, pray about that and ask the Lord to help you stop doing that and instead look to Him." -1 Thessolonians 2:4
I do that often. So I prayed on it a bit, on how to better love myself without needing someone else's love, but I came to this conclusion -- there is no commandment that says "love yourself." Many passages speak of being humble, loving your Lord, and loving your neighbors, but I couldn't find even one that says to love yourself.
Then I realized this. WE are truly blessed because WE are created in HIS image. We are photocopies of God. So just like you love the Jonas Brothers and would get excited about a Jonas Brothers poster, you would love God and get excited about a carbon copy of God!
When we are feeling down on ourselves, we need to remember that hating yourself is hating God. Hating the painting is a criticism to the artist.
No matter what our specific calling, our calling as human beings is to glorify our artist, our maker, our Heavenly King. The glory goes up to Him and the blessings fall down on us!!
What if I truly fell in love with myself? Got the butterflies in my stomach just thinking about the thought of being around me? Looked forward to taking care of myself and impressing myself? Saw these things as opportunities, joys, blessings instead of obligations, habits, routines?
How often do we wait for someone else to put us up on a pedestal instead of just knowing that we are doing right and that we have perfect hearts and that that is greatness?
A quote from Thessolonians: "If you constantly look to other people for answers and validation, pray about that and ask the Lord to help you stop doing that and instead look to Him." -1 Thessolonians 2:4
I do that often. So I prayed on it a bit, on how to better love myself without needing someone else's love, but I came to this conclusion -- there is no commandment that says "love yourself." Many passages speak of being humble, loving your Lord, and loving your neighbors, but I couldn't find even one that says to love yourself.
Then I realized this. WE are truly blessed because WE are created in HIS image. We are photocopies of God. So just like you love the Jonas Brothers and would get excited about a Jonas Brothers poster, you would love God and get excited about a carbon copy of God!
When we are feeling down on ourselves, we need to remember that hating yourself is hating God. Hating the painting is a criticism to the artist.
No matter what our specific calling, our calling as human beings is to glorify our artist, our maker, our Heavenly King. The glory goes up to Him and the blessings fall down on us!!
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Take up the Cross & Follow Me
"Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me." -Mark 8:34
How often do we want our resurrection without our crucifixion? How often do we pray to God to change certain things, without being willing to make any sacrafice on our part to effect the change?
I am really stumped about what my cross is. What does my Heavenly King want me to be sacraficing?
I have a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach, that the sacrafice is marriage. I think God wants me not to find someone and not to be with someone so I can better carry out His work. I am not sure how exactly this would help me to better carry out His work. So why do I have that feeling?
How often do we want our resurrection without our crucifixion? How often do we pray to God to change certain things, without being willing to make any sacrafice on our part to effect the change?
I am really stumped about what my cross is. What does my Heavenly King want me to be sacraficing?
I have a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach, that the sacrafice is marriage. I think God wants me not to find someone and not to be with someone so I can better carry out His work. I am not sure how exactly this would help me to better carry out His work. So why do I have that feeling?
Monday, September 24, 2012
Unappreciated Acts of Kindness - Worth It?
"Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed." - Peter 3:13-14
I was looking up the scriptures for this week in the lectionary. I was having trouble connecting with any of them. I meant to flip to James 3:13, but it is a short book, and I mistakenly ended up at Peter 3:13. God works in mysterious ways!
I was struggling with something interesting this week. There was a guy I once dated. His brother had passed away. And, at the time I had been dating him, I had pre-arranged to send flowers for his brother's birthday just to say that I was thinking of him and was sorry for his grief.
Well, I had debated whether to cancel the flower order. Is it strange to get flowers from a former lover? We didn't go out for that long, will he think I'm a stalker if I send flowers? Why send them for the anniversary of his birthday instead of his death? Am I really the person he would want to hear from on such an occassion? Would he question how/why I even know/remember his brother's birthday?
That being said, I was ready to call up the flower shop and beg to cancel the order.
Then I found the passage from Peter. And I thought... what was my goal in sending the flowers? To let this person know I was thinking of him and was sorry for his grief! So is that still the goal, regardless of the relationship status and without want for anything in return? Yes! So I should still send them... because it is from a place of righteousness and goodness.
Peter is a great book, a great guiding compass to those who are lost.
I was looking up the scriptures for this week in the lectionary. I was having trouble connecting with any of them. I meant to flip to James 3:13, but it is a short book, and I mistakenly ended up at Peter 3:13. God works in mysterious ways!
I was struggling with something interesting this week. There was a guy I once dated. His brother had passed away. And, at the time I had been dating him, I had pre-arranged to send flowers for his brother's birthday just to say that I was thinking of him and was sorry for his grief.
Well, I had debated whether to cancel the flower order. Is it strange to get flowers from a former lover? We didn't go out for that long, will he think I'm a stalker if I send flowers? Why send them for the anniversary of his birthday instead of his death? Am I really the person he would want to hear from on such an occassion? Would he question how/why I even know/remember his brother's birthday?
That being said, I was ready to call up the flower shop and beg to cancel the order.
Then I found the passage from Peter. And I thought... what was my goal in sending the flowers? To let this person know I was thinking of him and was sorry for his grief! So is that still the goal, regardless of the relationship status and without want for anything in return? Yes! So I should still send them... because it is from a place of righteousness and goodness.
Peter is a great book, a great guiding compass to those who are lost.
Friday, September 21, 2012
Aunt Mart's Death
"For the living are conscious that they will die; but as for the dead, they are conscious of nothing at all, neither do they anymore have wages, because the remembrance of them has been forgotten. Also, their love and their hate and their jealousy have already perished, and they have no portion anymore to time indefinite in anything that has to be done under the sun." -Ecclesiastes 9:5-6
"All that your hand finds to do, do with your very power, for there is no work nor devising nor knowledge nor wisdom in She′ol, the place to which you are going." -Ecclesiastes 9:10
Today I visited my Aunt Mart. The doctors gave her hours to live.
She looked different than other times - she had lost weight, but more significantly, she looked afraid and resistant.
It made me think... how painful it must be to be aware of the fact that you are dying. The awareness of dying would be just as painful - maybe more painful - than any physical pain associated with dying.
Awareness that this is the end of the only thing you have ever known. The fear of whether death will be painful or painless. The fear of what happens next. Will you meet your maker? Will you go to a heaven? A hell? Will nothing at all happen, and you just decay into carbon and that's it?
It reminded me of a concept that came up in yoga. The concept of no more. When everyday you get cookies from the cookie jar. And if there are no more in the cookie jar, you go in your pantry and get them from the oreo package. And if there are no more in the pantry, you go to the grocery store and buy some. But if there are no more at the grocery store, then what? The concept actually completely blew my mind... because of how rare it is in the first world that we would truly have "no more" of a particular thing.
It got me thinking three things...
(1) On the concept of no more... There are so many things we don't have that are perfectly renewable things, gifts we just choose not to give ourselves. Like happiness or gratitude. There is no finite amount of these things. When we don't have them, it is because we are choosing not to have them. They cost nothing. They come from within. They produce nothing bad. Nothing bad ever came from being happy or grateful.
(2) On the concept of death... why do we die? And here's what I came up with...
God wants contrast. Death contrasts life. Evil contrasts good. Finite contrasts infinite. Storms contrast sunshine. God gave us the blessing of these interesting and dynamic lives where very good things and very bad things are guaranteed to happen to us.
(3) It's all part of a bigger plan. A cookieless plan that involves death. Part of our humanness is that we can't see past "no more cookies" and "no more life." We can't even conceive of it. But that's when we need our faith the most. That's when we need to submit to the Lord and his plan. If you live your life, letting Him run the show, asking always what He wants first and what you want second, you will be best prepared for death... so be here to glorify Him - not yourself!
"All that your hand finds to do, do with your very power, for there is no work nor devising nor knowledge nor wisdom in She′ol, the place to which you are going." -Ecclesiastes 9:10
Today I visited my Aunt Mart. The doctors gave her hours to live.
She looked different than other times - she had lost weight, but more significantly, she looked afraid and resistant.
It made me think... how painful it must be to be aware of the fact that you are dying. The awareness of dying would be just as painful - maybe more painful - than any physical pain associated with dying.
Awareness that this is the end of the only thing you have ever known. The fear of whether death will be painful or painless. The fear of what happens next. Will you meet your maker? Will you go to a heaven? A hell? Will nothing at all happen, and you just decay into carbon and that's it?
It reminded me of a concept that came up in yoga. The concept of no more. When everyday you get cookies from the cookie jar. And if there are no more in the cookie jar, you go in your pantry and get them from the oreo package. And if there are no more in the pantry, you go to the grocery store and buy some. But if there are no more at the grocery store, then what? The concept actually completely blew my mind... because of how rare it is in the first world that we would truly have "no more" of a particular thing.
It got me thinking three things...
(1) On the concept of no more... There are so many things we don't have that are perfectly renewable things, gifts we just choose not to give ourselves. Like happiness or gratitude. There is no finite amount of these things. When we don't have them, it is because we are choosing not to have them. They cost nothing. They come from within. They produce nothing bad. Nothing bad ever came from being happy or grateful.
(2) On the concept of death... why do we die? And here's what I came up with...
God wants contrast. Death contrasts life. Evil contrasts good. Finite contrasts infinite. Storms contrast sunshine. God gave us the blessing of these interesting and dynamic lives where very good things and very bad things are guaranteed to happen to us.
(3) It's all part of a bigger plan. A cookieless plan that involves death. Part of our humanness is that we can't see past "no more cookies" and "no more life." We can't even conceive of it. But that's when we need our faith the most. That's when we need to submit to the Lord and his plan. If you live your life, letting Him run the show, asking always what He wants first and what you want second, you will be best prepared for death... so be here to glorify Him - not yourself!
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Laws of Attraction Group
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." -Philippians 4:6
In 2011, I was blessed with an amazing group of people entering my life! These people were filled with an indescribable vibrancy, and they had the dreams and curiosity of young children. I saw them once a month, but every conversation with them was filled with new updates, challenges met with excitement, things moving forward with rapid velocity, fervor, and energy! The conversations lit a fire under me!
The people were from my Laws of Attraction group that meets once a month. We focus on attracting into our lives the things we desire (hence the name)!
After a couple months of attending the meetings, I asked myself what was so great about this experience - hearing these strangers speak about their lives. I paid for it and drove a great distance to it and left work early to go to it, so what made it worth the sacrifice?
The answer was simple - these people were a joy to be around! They were easy to talk to! They didn't complain or give me a million reasons why something wouldn't work. And even when things weren't going "as planned" they were grateful. They were even grateful for the obstacles. And they were present to whatever blessings and possibilities were there for them.
I think about that experience as it relates to my prayer life and my conversations with God. When I pray, am I being joyful and exuberant? Am I exalting God or am I asking God "why me?" Am I thankful or am I expectant? Sometimes prayers are really whines, tests, and wishlists, with no consideration for anyone besides ourselves.
This passage from Philippians serves to remind me:
(1) Say Thank You! Everything is a blessing or a blessing in disguise!
(2) Ask our Heavenly King for anything!
(3) Act in ways that glorify HIM - not ourselves!
In 2011, I was blessed with an amazing group of people entering my life! These people were filled with an indescribable vibrancy, and they had the dreams and curiosity of young children. I saw them once a month, but every conversation with them was filled with new updates, challenges met with excitement, things moving forward with rapid velocity, fervor, and energy! The conversations lit a fire under me!
The people were from my Laws of Attraction group that meets once a month. We focus on attracting into our lives the things we desire (hence the name)!
After a couple months of attending the meetings, I asked myself what was so great about this experience - hearing these strangers speak about their lives. I paid for it and drove a great distance to it and left work early to go to it, so what made it worth the sacrifice?
The answer was simple - these people were a joy to be around! They were easy to talk to! They didn't complain or give me a million reasons why something wouldn't work. And even when things weren't going "as planned" they were grateful. They were even grateful for the obstacles. And they were present to whatever blessings and possibilities were there for them.
I think about that experience as it relates to my prayer life and my conversations with God. When I pray, am I being joyful and exuberant? Am I exalting God or am I asking God "why me?" Am I thankful or am I expectant? Sometimes prayers are really whines, tests, and wishlists, with no consideration for anyone besides ourselves.
This passage from Philippians serves to remind me:
(1) Say Thank You! Everything is a blessing or a blessing in disguise!
(2) Ask our Heavenly King for anything!
(3) Act in ways that glorify HIM - not ourselves!
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